Boys to Men, Generations Not So Divided (Thoughts on Women)

Posted by~ Sheldon Redditt on 10/26/2014

I've thought that this generation of boys was totally lost.  After having a conversation with several teenage boys, I've come to realize, boys today aren't thinking much differently than the men of my generation, when it comes to the fairer sex.  We discussed; girls with tattoos, using profanity, style of clothing, girls drinking and so much more.  Surprisingly for me, our thoughts are almost unanimously universal.  Honestly, I was shocked by these boys.  I most definitely judged them based upon the baggy clothes they wear, which is foremost in my mind.  I couldn't fathom, that a boy that thinks it's a good idea to hold on to the crotch of his pants, while he walks around so his pants don't fall down, with his underwear showing, could possibly think, anything close to what I think.  (But that's a whole other post!)  I've observed the way this generation talks, not only to girls but about girls and there was no way we could possibly think alike.  But, I digress.  I was absolutely wrong!  These boys let me know I was wrong on so many counts, which makes me wonder one thing.  Why hasn't anyone clued women and girls in?  I know my daughter will have all the tools to make the decisions she needs to and I thought, why shouldn't you and yours?  Now, there are definitely generational differences, but I believe that comes from growing up in a new era with social media that goes everywhere they go and the flooding of "reality TV" that penetrates our homes.  But, my hope is that, even these differences will change as these boys mature.

You witness these boys treating these young girls with little to no respect.  It's deplorable, but after talking to this group, I found that they meet the girls where they are.  If the girl has no self respect, these boys will not go out of their way to respect her.  Is it wrong?  Of course!  But, what's really different between that generation and mine, other than maybe the way they talk to these girls?  If you, as an adult male know that a woman doesn't respect herself and you are a single man, will you wait for her or try to get into her pants immediately?  Of course, you would want better for your daughter, why not her?  Is that respect?

A generation of tattooed people, certainly, they think differently than I do!  Again, I am wrong!  Well, partly wrong.  I personally, hate tattoos.  They mostly don't mind tattoos for themselves and don't necessarily think they look bad on girls.  But, where I found similarity, these boys also look at a girl with tattoos and immediately think she is easy.  They also think, that girl is not someone I would choose to take home to meet Mom and Dad and she certainly is not marriage material.  This is not intended to offend, but was truly our honest conversation.  And again, I was surprised to find that these teens thought like myself and many of my peers.

These boys absolutely hate for a girl to use profanity.  They think girls shouldn't curse and should act like ladies at all times.  These thoughts completely coincide with the mindset of my generation.  They say they don't want a girl that can out drink them.  In their words, "that ain't cute.".  They think it's okay for a woman to drink in a social setting.  But this new catch phrase, getting "turnt up", well they say, it's a total turn off.  

Clothes these days are becoming more like a second skin on young girls.  You see 13 and 14 year old girls with their butt cheeks hanging out walking around the mall.  The travesty is that their parents are often walking side by side with them.  These boys love, love, love to look at these girls.  And more than that they love the ease of getting into their pants, or lack there of.  But one after another said that, that's all they would love to do with them.  There is no way they'd take them home to meet the parents, or bother to open the door for them on their way out.  That brings me to my next point.  Chivalry is not dead, it's not required.  I discussed with them, my observation, of them not opening doors for women or girls and not offering to carry a woman's bags.  Their response was that, girls for the most part don't expect it.  Independence is the new, it thing, for girls.  They said, that if a girl ever says to them, "aren't you gonna get the door for me?", they'll fall all over themselves to get it for her every time.  But rarely does that ever happen.

I encourage all parents, mentors, aunts, uncles, etc. to have a conversation with the boys in your life.  You would be amazed to hear what they truly think and what you can find out.  These boys now number girls according to what sexual act they're willing to receive from her.  She's a 1 if they will let her perform oral sex on them.  She's a 2 if they will let her perform oral sex and have intercourse with them and so on.  The boys seemingly have all the power because no longer, do the multitude of girls realize that they should and can hold the power.   And parents, I can not express to you enough, TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTERS!  Let them know their worth!  Help them, help themselves, to not settle for less than the very best that they deserve.  This is my truth.  What's yours?

Sanctity of Marriage, a Lost Art?

Posted by ~ Sheldon Redditt on 10/15/2014

The Sanctity of Marriage, is it lost?  At the age of 31, I found myself in divorce court for a second time. Two failed marriages by the age of 31.  Let that sink in.  I vowed to myself that I would NEVER marry again.  It wasn't for me. I promised myself I would be single for the rest of my life, marriage was too much work. Two of my good friends at the time, were going through divorces as well.  We would have pity parties almost nightly during those months. I think back on some of those conversations and I just begin to thank God for how FAR he has brought me.  

False Reality and Living Proof

Around this time, Amy and I became really good friends. We were friends for about 4 years prior to this, but we really became good friends after she moved back to Memphis from Hawaii. I remember talking to her on the phone, all hours of the night. I was an overnight counselor at the time, so we would talk literally for 6 or 7 hours at a time. I would tell her all of my problems and how I would never experience this pain again because the sanctity of marriage is dead. People only marry until it gets tough, then the marriage is over before the dishes have broken.  I myself, didn't take it seriously.  I married for all the wrong reasons, financial, looks, you name it.  I think often times, this generation is so bombarded with the images and stories of so called "reality TV".  People have television shows to find someone to date or marry just to grasp at ones' fortune.  Then, there's the celebrity marriages, that last 72 days and then those same celebrities are married again in less than a year or two.  For others, it is all about the actual wedding day and then reality sets in.  They feel that the good part is over and they're done.  I hear people say things like, "well if it doesn't work, just get a divorce" and no one bats an eye.  But then,  Amy tells me about her grandparents and how they had been married 50 plus years at the time and her Aunt Gayle and Uncle Mark had been married for over 20 years at that time.  Her best friend's parents had also been married for 30 years. She would tell me, that marriage works,  but only if you choose to work at it.  And I thought it was so refreshing to know, that some people still think and actually believe that marriage can work.

Never Say Never

Amy and I began to date, but I still had it in my mind that I would not walk down that aisle again. Amy and I have been happily married for 6 and a half years now. So much for what I thought!  For the first time in my life, I am truly happy. I was telling my friend the other day that I don't look at those past marriages as mistakes any more, but as learned lessons and life experiences. When I asked Amy to marry me, she told me that she values the sanctity of marriage and that she only plans to marry once.  She said that before she says yes, I must understand that this is for FOREVER. Asking for her hand is the best decision I ever made in my life. My friends joke all the time about the long lost Sheldon, that they say was so arrogant and conceited.  They ask me how I got anyone, let alone Amy, to marry me. 

What I've Learned To Do Right This Time Around

I truly wake up every morning thinking about how can I please her.  I think about what I can do to make her day better. Now, I truly believe in the sanctity of marriage. I saw on Facebook yesterday that Amy's best friends' parents, Mr. Brian and Ms. Amy, celebrated 42 years of marriage.  That is truly amazing. It must be something about the name Amy lol. I look at my friends Greg and Michelle Harris, whom have been married for over 20 years and remember asking Greg, "how have you done it?".  He married Michelle when he was 19 or 20, I believe. He told me, "man, I work at it every day!  I put Michelle and the kids needs before mine." But the most important thing he told me was, when the tough times come and they will come,  we pray and work them out. Divorce isn't a option, just like it wasn't with his parents. I'm sure if I were to talk to Mr. Brian and Ms.Amy, they would tell me the same thing. Years ago, I read Bill Cosby's book, Love and Marriage and Mr. Cosby said, that the key to a happy and lasting marriage is to understand, that the man doesn't run anything and that the wife is the boss period.  But, he said, a great wife will make you feel like you are the boss anyway. He said, to remember that you can either be happy or you can be right, but choosing to be happy will work much better for you.  I find that to be so true.  Amy will approach me, after I already know good and well she has made up in her mind, that we are gonna do whatever it is she wants to do at the time.  And then she asks, so what do you think?  So, it seems I am making the decision.  Lol.  I absolutely love being married to Amy.  And now I know, that the sanctity of marriage isn't lost. I have many friends and family, as examples. I was telling Amy last night, that I couldn't wait to celebrate 42 years of marriage.  On second thought, yes I can.  I would be in my late 70's and I'm not ready for that yet!  I made a vow that I would work at this marriage, every single day and I have.  I am so happy that I am married to my best friend, whom I love and like as well. This is my truth. What's yours?