Spanking vs. No Spanking

Posted by~ Sheldon Redditt on 11/15/2014

When I was growing up, we got spanked period.  I think they had a spanking committee back then that met and came to an agreement.  The agreement was that if we catch your child acting up, we have the right, no it is our DUTY to spank your child!  Back then their beliefs were that it took a community to raise a child.  So, if Ms. Mandy caught me acting up in the neighborhood, she would spank me.  Then she would call my mother to tell her she spanked me and 9 times out of 10 I would get another spanking when I got home.  Where was Child Protective Services back then? Lol.  Our parents had a motto, that stated that, "WHERE EVER YOU SHOW OUT, THAT'S WHERE YOU GET WORE OUT".  I know a lot of you remember that line! 

When I became older and had sons of my own, I pretty much raised my sons the same way. I believed that spanking was a form of discipline that kept them in line.  I would talk more with them, than my parents did with us but if talking wasn't working, I would spank them.  I believed the problem with a lot of the so-called bad kids was that their parents didn't spank them.  I would shake my head in disgust when I would see a child acting up in the supermarket.  These children would scream at their parents, saying that they hate them and then if they didn't get what they wanted they would continue to act out.  My thoughts were always, "when is the spanking coming?"!  As kids, we didn't embarrass our parents, our parents embarrassed us!

A Change of Heart

A lightning bolt struck in Pensacola, FL on October 31, 2011, that changed my whole way of thinking!  Enter Miss Hayden Redditt, my first daughter, into the world. Suddenly, with my daughter, everything that I thought I believed, has changed.  I remember sitting down with my wife and telling her that, I WOULD NOT be spanking our daughter.  I told her I don't think that a father should spank his daughter because if they do spank them, she will grow up thinking it's ok for men to hit her.  So, if my daughter has to get a spanking, my wife would be the one doing the spanking.  My wife looked at me like I had grown a second head.  She knew I just didn't want to ever have to spank our daughter and that would leave Mommy as the bad guy.  My planned worked until she was a little over a year old and she tried to stick a pencil in the electrical outlet, without thinking I spanked her and told her, "No No, you don't do that!".  That was the first and last time I ever spanked my daughter!  I felt so bad!  I think I cried harder than she did.  To make matters worse, anytime she was acting out and I would threaten to spank her, she would begin to spank herself repeatedly, which made me feel even worse.  Neither my wife or I like to spank, so Hayden began to receive time-outs for acting out.  Time-outs seemed to work for the first 2 years or should I say, until she turned 2.  Then, for a lack of a better term, all Hell broke loose.  Time-outs were becoming pointless.  She would let herself out of time-out, when SHE felt like it.  We asked her to do stuff and her response was inherently, "I don't want to!"  Now, if I had ever told my parents that I didn't want to do something that they asked of me, I probably wouldn't be here writing this blog right now!  My wife and I are really at our wits end.  We have read countless books on how to discipline, without spanking.  I have talked to my friends and all of them say the same thing, I don't spank my daughter, I let my wife do that.  But, what do you do when your spouse feels the same way you do?  I even talked to my Mom about this and her response was no you can't spank her.  WAIT, WHAT?!?  Did THAT just come out of the mouth of the former Spanking Heavyweight Champion of the World?  My wife told me the other day that our daughter has gotten a lot worse when she is out in public.  I hadn't been anywhere with them in a while because of my knee.  Yesterday, I saw this first hand, for the first time, when I told her that she couldn't get a toy.  I tried explaining to her that she just received so many toys for her birthday and that she hasn't played with all of those toys yet.  She was having none of it.  She started crying and screaming in the store, "but! I want it Daddy, I need it!".  The more I told her no, the louder she became.  I was so embarrassed.  I had become that parent at the supermarket with the out of control child.  People were looking at us like control your child!  I swear I saw a guy shaking his head in disbelief.  I was so embarrassed, that I left everything in the basket and walked out of the store, even leaving my Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee, that I found at a great discount.  That really upset me lol.  I also left the clothes that my daughter had picked out.  She was really upset and begged me to go back and get them.  I explained to her, that I would not be going back and that she would not be getting new clothes today because of her behavior.  I told my wife that I had no idea it had gotten this bad.  The question is, what are we gonna do about it?  My wife said that she thinks part of the problem is, that I never tell her "no" and that if she wants something, I buy it every time.  Whereas, she tells her "no" or "not now", or suggests waiting for her birthday or Christmas.  We both don't believe in spanking, but time-outs don't work.  Nothing is working at this point.  What do we do?  All advice is welcome.  We know we have to get this under control and fast or it's gonna really be a serious issue as she gets older.  So, do we just put our foot down and spank her like my parents did?  I think I turned out okay.  Or do we continue try to find alternative ways to discipline her without spanking?  We need HELP. 

Boys to Men, Generations Not So Divided (Thoughts on Women)

Posted by~ Sheldon Redditt on 10/26/2014

I've thought that this generation of boys was totally lost.  After having a conversation with several teenage boys, I've come to realize, boys today aren't thinking much differently than the men of my generation, when it comes to the fairer sex.  We discussed; girls with tattoos, using profanity, style of clothing, girls drinking and so much more.  Surprisingly for me, our thoughts are almost unanimously universal.  Honestly, I was shocked by these boys.  I most definitely judged them based upon the baggy clothes they wear, which is foremost in my mind.  I couldn't fathom, that a boy that thinks it's a good idea to hold on to the crotch of his pants, while he walks around so his pants don't fall down, with his underwear showing, could possibly think, anything close to what I think.  (But that's a whole other post!)  I've observed the way this generation talks, not only to girls but about girls and there was no way we could possibly think alike.  But, I digress.  I was absolutely wrong!  These boys let me know I was wrong on so many counts, which makes me wonder one thing.  Why hasn't anyone clued women and girls in?  I know my daughter will have all the tools to make the decisions she needs to and I thought, why shouldn't you and yours?  Now, there are definitely generational differences, but I believe that comes from growing up in a new era with social media that goes everywhere they go and the flooding of "reality TV" that penetrates our homes.  But, my hope is that, even these differences will change as these boys mature.

You witness these boys treating these young girls with little to no respect.  It's deplorable, but after talking to this group, I found that they meet the girls where they are.  If the girl has no self respect, these boys will not go out of their way to respect her.  Is it wrong?  Of course!  But, what's really different between that generation and mine, other than maybe the way they talk to these girls?  If you, as an adult male know that a woman doesn't respect herself and you are a single man, will you wait for her or try to get into her pants immediately?  Of course, you would want better for your daughter, why not her?  Is that respect?

A generation of tattooed people, certainly, they think differently than I do!  Again, I am wrong!  Well, partly wrong.  I personally, hate tattoos.  They mostly don't mind tattoos for themselves and don't necessarily think they look bad on girls.  But, where I found similarity, these boys also look at a girl with tattoos and immediately think she is easy.  They also think, that girl is not someone I would choose to take home to meet Mom and Dad and she certainly is not marriage material.  This is not intended to offend, but was truly our honest conversation.  And again, I was surprised to find that these teens thought like myself and many of my peers.

These boys absolutely hate for a girl to use profanity.  They think girls shouldn't curse and should act like ladies at all times.  These thoughts completely coincide with the mindset of my generation.  They say they don't want a girl that can out drink them.  In their words, "that ain't cute.".  They think it's okay for a woman to drink in a social setting.  But this new catch phrase, getting "turnt up", well they say, it's a total turn off.  

Clothes these days are becoming more like a second skin on young girls.  You see 13 and 14 year old girls with their butt cheeks hanging out walking around the mall.  The travesty is that their parents are often walking side by side with them.  These boys love, love, love to look at these girls.  And more than that they love the ease of getting into their pants, or lack there of.  But one after another said that, that's all they would love to do with them.  There is no way they'd take them home to meet the parents, or bother to open the door for them on their way out.  That brings me to my next point.  Chivalry is not dead, it's not required.  I discussed with them, my observation, of them not opening doors for women or girls and not offering to carry a woman's bags.  Their response was that, girls for the most part don't expect it.  Independence is the new, it thing, for girls.  They said, that if a girl ever says to them, "aren't you gonna get the door for me?", they'll fall all over themselves to get it for her every time.  But rarely does that ever happen.

I encourage all parents, mentors, aunts, uncles, etc. to have a conversation with the boys in your life.  You would be amazed to hear what they truly think and what you can find out.  These boys now number girls according to what sexual act they're willing to receive from her.  She's a 1 if they will let her perform oral sex on them.  She's a 2 if they will let her perform oral sex and have intercourse with them and so on.  The boys seemingly have all the power because no longer, do the multitude of girls realize that they should and can hold the power.   And parents, I can not express to you enough, TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTERS!  Let them know their worth!  Help them, help themselves, to not settle for less than the very best that they deserve.  This is my truth.  What's yours?