Boys to Men, Generations Not So Divided (Thoughts on Women)

Posted by~ Sheldon Redditt on 10/26/2014

I've thought that this generation of boys was totally lost.  After having a conversation with several teenage boys, I've come to realize, boys today aren't thinking much differently than the men of my generation, when it comes to the fairer sex.  We discussed; girls with tattoos, using profanity, style of clothing, girls drinking and so much more.  Surprisingly for me, our thoughts are almost unanimously universal.  Honestly, I was shocked by these boys.  I most definitely judged them based upon the baggy clothes they wear, which is foremost in my mind.  I couldn't fathom, that a boy that thinks it's a good idea to hold on to the crotch of his pants, while he walks around so his pants don't fall down, with his underwear showing, could possibly think, anything close to what I think.  (But that's a whole other post!)  I've observed the way this generation talks, not only to girls but about girls and there was no way we could possibly think alike.  But, I digress.  I was absolutely wrong!  These boys let me know I was wrong on so many counts, which makes me wonder one thing.  Why hasn't anyone clued women and girls in?  I know my daughter will have all the tools to make the decisions she needs to and I thought, why shouldn't you and yours?  Now, there are definitely generational differences, but I believe that comes from growing up in a new era with social media that goes everywhere they go and the flooding of "reality TV" that penetrates our homes.  But, my hope is that, even these differences will change as these boys mature.

You witness these boys treating these young girls with little to no respect.  It's deplorable, but after talking to this group, I found that they meet the girls where they are.  If the girl has no self respect, these boys will not go out of their way to respect her.  Is it wrong?  Of course!  But, what's really different between that generation and mine, other than maybe the way they talk to these girls?  If you, as an adult male know that a woman doesn't respect herself and you are a single man, will you wait for her or try to get into her pants immediately?  Of course, you would want better for your daughter, why not her?  Is that respect?

A generation of tattooed people, certainly, they think differently than I do!  Again, I am wrong!  Well, partly wrong.  I personally, hate tattoos.  They mostly don't mind tattoos for themselves and don't necessarily think they look bad on girls.  But, where I found similarity, these boys also look at a girl with tattoos and immediately think she is easy.  They also think, that girl is not someone I would choose to take home to meet Mom and Dad and she certainly is not marriage material.  This is not intended to offend, but was truly our honest conversation.  And again, I was surprised to find that these teens thought like myself and many of my peers.

These boys absolutely hate for a girl to use profanity.  They think girls shouldn't curse and should act like ladies at all times.  These thoughts completely coincide with the mindset of my generation.  They say they don't want a girl that can out drink them.  In their words, "that ain't cute.".  They think it's okay for a woman to drink in a social setting.  But this new catch phrase, getting "turnt up", well they say, it's a total turn off.  

Clothes these days are becoming more like a second skin on young girls.  You see 13 and 14 year old girls with their butt cheeks hanging out walking around the mall.  The travesty is that their parents are often walking side by side with them.  These boys love, love, love to look at these girls.  And more than that they love the ease of getting into their pants, or lack there of.  But one after another said that, that's all they would love to do with them.  There is no way they'd take them home to meet the parents, or bother to open the door for them on their way out.  That brings me to my next point.  Chivalry is not dead, it's not required.  I discussed with them, my observation, of them not opening doors for women or girls and not offering to carry a woman's bags.  Their response was that, girls for the most part don't expect it.  Independence is the new, it thing, for girls.  They said, that if a girl ever says to them, "aren't you gonna get the door for me?", they'll fall all over themselves to get it for her every time.  But rarely does that ever happen.

I encourage all parents, mentors, aunts, uncles, etc. to have a conversation with the boys in your life.  You would be amazed to hear what they truly think and what you can find out.  These boys now number girls according to what sexual act they're willing to receive from her.  She's a 1 if they will let her perform oral sex on them.  She's a 2 if they will let her perform oral sex and have intercourse with them and so on.  The boys seemingly have all the power because no longer, do the multitude of girls realize that they should and can hold the power.   And parents, I can not express to you enough, TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTERS!  Let them know their worth!  Help them, help themselves, to not settle for less than the very best that they deserve.  This is my truth.  What's yours?

My three October babies

Posted by ~ Sheldon Redditt on 10/21/2014

October is the most special month for me. I love to see it come and I love to see it go. It's the time of year when my bank account drops to it's lowest point of the year. You see all three of my biological children were born in October.  As I'm writing this I just realized that they all came in order; Ryan, my oldest came on October 11th, Amari, on the 22nd and Hayden on the 31st, my Halloween baby.

I look at all three of them and I am amazed at how all three of them have my personality but at different stages of my life. I will start with my first born, Ryan. Ryan turned 24 on the 11th of this month. Ryan is my most laid back child.  He's very smart and a thinker. He is the quiet one and doesn't talk much, unless he has something to say. When we talk on the phone, I feel like I'm talking to a mature 40 year old. He is very driven and doesn't let much get to him. I tell him all the time he represents me at my current stage in life.  At 43, I look at him and wish that I had it together like he does at 24.

Amari, my second born, will turn 12 tomorrow, the 22nd.  Amari looks the most like me. Now Amari, is the total opposite of Ryan.  Amari represents me from age 5 to around 36.  He is very confident and a little arrogant ok a lot arrogant.  Amari is very smart and he knows it.  He is a straight A student and his attitude is, "there isn't anything I can't do".  Amari loves the finer things in life and has no problem asking me for them, but is willing to work for them.  He doesn't bother anyone but if you bother him you have a problem on your hands.  He has a love for travel and tells me all the time how rich he is going to be.  I have no doubt that if he decided he wanted to be the President of the United States that he could. I love Amari's drive. Some people think he is my favorite, but I don't have a favorite I love all three the same.  He is the middle child, like me and I think the middle child feels they have to fight to be seen and heard.  I can't say enough about him.  He is a special kid and you see it the first time you meet him. 

Hayden, my only girl, the one I waited 40 years to have. Hayden will turn 3 on Halloween, but she acts like she is 20.  Hayden thinks she is the boss and will tell you that she is, without hesitation. Hayden is VERY independent at a young age. She started picking out her clothes at 2 and will have a fit if she can't wear what she picked out lol. She marches to a different beat for sure. She is the loudest of the three.  I don't know where that came from. Well, on second thought I do, from Amy's side lol. I see a lot of me in Hayden already. Hayden won't put up with anyone's mess.  She isn't, nor will she be a push over for sure. She is very caring and loving at a early age and I love that.  She asks me every morning, "Daddy, is your leg ok?"  And then she gently rubs it and says, "Daddy is all better."  So sweet!  Hayden already loves to travel and tells Amy and I all the time that she is ready to go back to the vacation house.  She is very confident and smart and knows it at a early age. Hayden, just like her brothers, will make a powerful impact on the World. Of that, I have no doubt. 

I am so thankful to have three loving and caring children, who all were born in the same month.  I looked up some of the characteristics of people born in October.  They were inner and physical beauty, treats friends importantly, loves to travel and has a love for the art and literature, very opinionated and doesn't care what others think. Yes, this describes my three October babies to a T.  I love all three of them so much and thank God every day for them. 

Sanctity of Marriage, a Lost Art?

Posted by ~ Sheldon Redditt on 10/15/2014

The Sanctity of Marriage, is it lost?  At the age of 31, I found myself in divorce court for a second time. Two failed marriages by the age of 31.  Let that sink in.  I vowed to myself that I would NEVER marry again.  It wasn't for me. I promised myself I would be single for the rest of my life, marriage was too much work. Two of my good friends at the time, were going through divorces as well.  We would have pity parties almost nightly during those months. I think back on some of those conversations and I just begin to thank God for how FAR he has brought me.  

False Reality and Living Proof

Around this time, Amy and I became really good friends. We were friends for about 4 years prior to this, but we really became good friends after she moved back to Memphis from Hawaii. I remember talking to her on the phone, all hours of the night. I was an overnight counselor at the time, so we would talk literally for 6 or 7 hours at a time. I would tell her all of my problems and how I would never experience this pain again because the sanctity of marriage is dead. People only marry until it gets tough, then the marriage is over before the dishes have broken.  I myself, didn't take it seriously.  I married for all the wrong reasons, financial, looks, you name it.  I think often times, this generation is so bombarded with the images and stories of so called "reality TV".  People have television shows to find someone to date or marry just to grasp at ones' fortune.  Then, there's the celebrity marriages, that last 72 days and then those same celebrities are married again in less than a year or two.  For others, it is all about the actual wedding day and then reality sets in.  They feel that the good part is over and they're done.  I hear people say things like, "well if it doesn't work, just get a divorce" and no one bats an eye.  But then,  Amy tells me about her grandparents and how they had been married 50 plus years at the time and her Aunt Gayle and Uncle Mark had been married for over 20 years at that time.  Her best friend's parents had also been married for 30 years. She would tell me, that marriage works,  but only if you choose to work at it.  And I thought it was so refreshing to know, that some people still think and actually believe that marriage can work.

Never Say Never

Amy and I began to date, but I still had it in my mind that I would not walk down that aisle again. Amy and I have been happily married for 6 and a half years now. So much for what I thought!  For the first time in my life, I am truly happy. I was telling my friend the other day that I don't look at those past marriages as mistakes any more, but as learned lessons and life experiences. When I asked Amy to marry me, she told me that she values the sanctity of marriage and that she only plans to marry once.  She said that before she says yes, I must understand that this is for FOREVER. Asking for her hand is the best decision I ever made in my life. My friends joke all the time about the long lost Sheldon, that they say was so arrogant and conceited.  They ask me how I got anyone, let alone Amy, to marry me. 

What I've Learned To Do Right This Time Around

I truly wake up every morning thinking about how can I please her.  I think about what I can do to make her day better. Now, I truly believe in the sanctity of marriage. I saw on Facebook yesterday that Amy's best friends' parents, Mr. Brian and Ms. Amy, celebrated 42 years of marriage.  That is truly amazing. It must be something about the name Amy lol. I look at my friends Greg and Michelle Harris, whom have been married for over 20 years and remember asking Greg, "how have you done it?".  He married Michelle when he was 19 or 20, I believe. He told me, "man, I work at it every day!  I put Michelle and the kids needs before mine." But the most important thing he told me was, when the tough times come and they will come,  we pray and work them out. Divorce isn't a option, just like it wasn't with his parents. I'm sure if I were to talk to Mr. Brian and Ms.Amy, they would tell me the same thing. Years ago, I read Bill Cosby's book, Love and Marriage and Mr. Cosby said, that the key to a happy and lasting marriage is to understand, that the man doesn't run anything and that the wife is the boss period.  But, he said, a great wife will make you feel like you are the boss anyway. He said, to remember that you can either be happy or you can be right, but choosing to be happy will work much better for you.  I find that to be so true.  Amy will approach me, after I already know good and well she has made up in her mind, that we are gonna do whatever it is she wants to do at the time.  And then she asks, so what do you think?  So, it seems I am making the decision.  Lol.  I absolutely love being married to Amy.  And now I know, that the sanctity of marriage isn't lost. I have many friends and family, as examples. I was telling Amy last night, that I couldn't wait to celebrate 42 years of marriage.  On second thought, yes I can.  I would be in my late 70's and I'm not ready for that yet!  I made a vow that I would work at this marriage, every single day and I have.  I am so happy that I am married to my best friend, whom I love and like as well. This is my truth. What's yours?

One Box, One Drop, Not in My House

Posted by Guest Blogger ~ Amy Redditt on 10/08/2014

“I have darker skin. I have a nice, interesting grade of hair. I connect with Caucasian. I connect with Asian. I connect with black. I connect with Indian. I connect with each culture.”

“You are a melting pot in one body,” Oprah observed.  “Isn’t that what America’s supposed to be?," so said, Raven-Symoné.  This is what I heard when I listened to a portion of her interview, with Oprah on, Where are They Now?  She preceded this, by saying, that she is tired of being labelled.  She said, that she doesn't want to be labelled as gay, but a human who loves humans.  She stated that she's not an African American. She's an American.  Oprah went on to say that Raven is going to get a lot of flack for saying she's not an African American.

Check One, Check Two, Check Three

Someone sent me the link to this interview and that's where it began.  I told Sheldon, that I totally got what Raven-Symoné was saying.  He countered by saying, that she is wrong because he took it as she was saying, that she's not black.  First, let me say, I think he totally missed the boat there.  I don't believe that is what she meant at all.  He went on to say, that when she listed all the things she connected with, black was not even the first and that you have to mark one on an application when you apply somewhere and that it is just dumb to not see that.  While I get what he is saying about the applications, that's where I begin to see a problem.  People don't fit into one little box anymore, especially not in America.  Even I, honestly don't, although to the naked eye, I do. Of course, I know I am white and to check Caucasian, but I also know that I'm German, Irish, Native American, French and so on.  But, my daughter is all of those things and half black, which is also made up of whatever my husbands' family is made up of, but directly she is half white and half black.  Personally, although I've heard the "one drop rule", I think she has just as much right to check white as she does black.  To discount her Caucasian heritage is ludicrous to me just because of some "rule".  Her Caucasian family is very much a part of her life and not to be discounted ever, on an application, a doctors' check in information sheet or anywhere else.  And for that matter, I see our current President no differently.  I know that's what someone will bring up and although I get that he looks black, I also know there is a reality bigger than that.

Roots Run Deep in Louisiana

Raven-Symoné talked about not knowing which part of Africa her family is from, but that she knows she has roots in Louisiana.  That, I believe was her whole point.  She knows where she comes from and Louisiana is it for her.  She identifies with memories and an upbringing in an American state and therefore only wants to be called an American.  I also get that, American, is a nationality, not a race.  That being said, it brings me back to my original point, one box doesn't define her.  You can look at her and see that she has lighter skin than some blacks, but definitely darker skin than a Caucasian person.  You can look at Ravens' eyes and see a different shape, you can notice her hair and see that, all of that together makes her a melting pot.  If she doesn't want to be defined by one box, who are we to judge her?   It seems to me, that it would be easier if everyone would stop judging and labeling people.  Also, I'd like to point out that many people stated that what Oprah said, was race baiting or promoting racism, I beg to differ.  She was simply stating what she knew was coming, a backlash because a huge part of America can not fathom, not categorizing someone.  She said, she would get a lot of flack for it and she has already.  Sheldon even went on to say that would kill her career.  That,  I think, is crazy.  She's simply embracing her truth, what she knows and what she feels defines her.  There is nothing at all wrong with not wanting to be labelled by someone else, especially someone that doesn't know you, your life or your history.  This is my truth.  What's yours?

Part 2 - Why are whites considered racists when they openly share their opinions and black people are at liberty to speak freely without being labelled a RACIST?

Posted by ~ Sheldon Redditt on 10/04/2014

I got a lot of emails requesting that my first blog become a series.  I don't know how many of these I have in me, but I am so happy to have broken through that age old monologue and started a real dialogue. A lot of people shared the blog on their Facebook pages and I tried to read all of the comments, but for some reason, one comment stood out from the rest.  A woman named Rachel commented, "someone finally writes how I really feel."  That was the general consensus, but again, most won't speak up because they'll be called a racist.  I know most of you guys saw the personal attacks that I took on Facebook and my father-in-law even suggested that I should tone down my blog for the safety of myself and my family.  Multiple black people have messaged me asking me, why I would choose to share certain personal "black secrets".  Black people, at least in my generation, were taught that you had to be twice as good as any white person at anything, in order to even be on the same playing field.  We were taught to speak one way in front of white people and were allowed to speak another way in front of each other.  Black people, let's be honest, the derogatory terms that we use amongst ourselves to describe white people, are no worse than the words, we believe, they are choosing to describe us behind closed doors.  To this day, this is how it is and it is time for it to end.  The whole point is, that I want to bring into the light what goes on behind closed doors, so that there can be change, growth and a coming together, of all people regardless of their backgrounds.

So, in answer to the original question, it seems that it became a war of words on Facebook.  But the gist of the feelings was that black people are going to think and call a white person a racist if they express themselves because they feel that all white people, by birthright, must pay the price for what some white peoples' ancestors did to some black peoples' ancestors.  You have people like Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh who do speak their minds and are almost always labelled racists by black people.  I personally don't believe that they're racists and I think that they often have very valid points, although I don't agree with everything that they say.  I believe they're not even given a chance because of the simple fact that they are white, on Fox News and they don't back down, when they feel that they're right.  Ultimately, I believe that everyone could take a page from their books.  I think that people should stand up and vocalize what they believe in.  No longer should the only ones to speak their mind be TV personalities, Al Sharpton's and Jesse Jackson's.  I know that some white people think they are racist or opportunists.  And while I may or may not concur, I commend all five men for speaking their personal truths and not being ashamed or ever backing down.

No more should anyone say that they don't have an opinion on a subject because we all have an opinion.  If everyone would share their opinions, there is no limit to the conversations and learning that could take place.  People always say that they want better for their kids and the next generation, but how can things get better if we don't talk about and understand our differences?  Speak your mind, say your truth. Yes, it may offend some, but it'll start a dialogue.  You never know what you may learn or what someone else might learn from you.  If everyone keeps everything bottled up then nothing will ever change.  It will always be, black people think this way, white people think that way.  And you may never know what someone that you sit next to day in and day out actually thinks.  I was blown away when someone that I worked with for years commented, that in all his life, he had never met a good hearted white person.  This man is almost forty and just imagine that there is a possibility that many other people think and feel the same way about either race but haven't voiced it.  I believe that racism can actually be cured by just simply sitting down and starting a conversation.  Speak to the people in line at a coffee shop or the supermarket, you never know what you may learn. What he stated should not be something that anyone should ever think, feel or believe.  Life is too short to walk around with so much bottled up hate.  One should not go around suggesting, that the only way anything could ever be solved is if whites were to go through the same thing our black ancestors went through.  That is just reverse racism.  How will that ever solve anything?  This is my truth.  What's yours?