Sanctity of Marriage, a Lost Art?

Posted by ~ Sheldon Redditt on 10/15/2014

The Sanctity of Marriage, is it lost?  At the age of 31, I found myself in divorce court for a second time. Two failed marriages by the age of 31.  Let that sink in.  I vowed to myself that I would NEVER marry again.  It wasn't for me. I promised myself I would be single for the rest of my life, marriage was too much work. Two of my good friends at the time, were going through divorces as well.  We would have pity parties almost nightly during those months. I think back on some of those conversations and I just begin to thank God for how FAR he has brought me.  

False Reality and Living Proof

Around this time, Amy and I became really good friends. We were friends for about 4 years prior to this, but we really became good friends after she moved back to Memphis from Hawaii. I remember talking to her on the phone, all hours of the night. I was an overnight counselor at the time, so we would talk literally for 6 or 7 hours at a time. I would tell her all of my problems and how I would never experience this pain again because the sanctity of marriage is dead. People only marry until it gets tough, then the marriage is over before the dishes have broken.  I myself, didn't take it seriously.  I married for all the wrong reasons, financial, looks, you name it.  I think often times, this generation is so bombarded with the images and stories of so called "reality TV".  People have television shows to find someone to date or marry just to grasp at ones' fortune.  Then, there's the celebrity marriages, that last 72 days and then those same celebrities are married again in less than a year or two.  For others, it is all about the actual wedding day and then reality sets in.  They feel that the good part is over and they're done.  I hear people say things like, "well if it doesn't work, just get a divorce" and no one bats an eye.  But then,  Amy tells me about her grandparents and how they had been married 50 plus years at the time and her Aunt Gayle and Uncle Mark had been married for over 20 years at that time.  Her best friend's parents had also been married for 30 years. She would tell me, that marriage works,  but only if you choose to work at it.  And I thought it was so refreshing to know, that some people still think and actually believe that marriage can work.

Never Say Never

Amy and I began to date, but I still had it in my mind that I would not walk down that aisle again. Amy and I have been happily married for 6 and a half years now. So much for what I thought!  For the first time in my life, I am truly happy. I was telling my friend the other day that I don't look at those past marriages as mistakes any more, but as learned lessons and life experiences. When I asked Amy to marry me, she told me that she values the sanctity of marriage and that she only plans to marry once.  She said that before she says yes, I must understand that this is for FOREVER. Asking for her hand is the best decision I ever made in my life. My friends joke all the time about the long lost Sheldon, that they say was so arrogant and conceited.  They ask me how I got anyone, let alone Amy, to marry me. 

What I've Learned To Do Right This Time Around

I truly wake up every morning thinking about how can I please her.  I think about what I can do to make her day better. Now, I truly believe in the sanctity of marriage. I saw on Facebook yesterday that Amy's best friends' parents, Mr. Brian and Ms. Amy, celebrated 42 years of marriage.  That is truly amazing. It must be something about the name Amy lol. I look at my friends Greg and Michelle Harris, whom have been married for over 20 years and remember asking Greg, "how have you done it?".  He married Michelle when he was 19 or 20, I believe. He told me, "man, I work at it every day!  I put Michelle and the kids needs before mine." But the most important thing he told me was, when the tough times come and they will come,  we pray and work them out. Divorce isn't a option, just like it wasn't with his parents. I'm sure if I were to talk to Mr. Brian and Ms.Amy, they would tell me the same thing. Years ago, I read Bill Cosby's book, Love and Marriage and Mr. Cosby said, that the key to a happy and lasting marriage is to understand, that the man doesn't run anything and that the wife is the boss period.  But, he said, a great wife will make you feel like you are the boss anyway. He said, to remember that you can either be happy or you can be right, but choosing to be happy will work much better for you.  I find that to be so true.  Amy will approach me, after I already know good and well she has made up in her mind, that we are gonna do whatever it is she wants to do at the time.  And then she asks, so what do you think?  So, it seems I am making the decision.  Lol.  I absolutely love being married to Amy.  And now I know, that the sanctity of marriage isn't lost. I have many friends and family, as examples. I was telling Amy last night, that I couldn't wait to celebrate 42 years of marriage.  On second thought, yes I can.  I would be in my late 70's and I'm not ready for that yet!  I made a vow that I would work at this marriage, every single day and I have.  I am so happy that I am married to my best friend, whom I love and like as well. This is my truth. What's yours?